Emotional Infidelity - What is Essential To Saving the Marriage?

Although when you are dealing with emotional infidelity problems, it appears complicated, yet often, doing less can help you achieve more. In trying to save the marriage, there are some approaches which can prove useful and one that I find most useful is learning to back off.

It is often devastating to know that your cheating spouse is in love with someone else. I hear often, “I can handle her having sex with another person. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and “love” someone else…man, that is hard.” (You may substitute “he” with “she” as it can apply to both ways.)

So when facing emotional infidelity issues, how do you enhance the chances of saving the marriage?

It is easy for the spouse who feels offended to react with frustration and gives up in the face of emotional infidelity. He tries to win her back. Begs and sends flowers. Talks to her friends and relatives and applies pressure. He is on her every hour.....But unfortunately, it often doesn’t work. Why? Well, for one reason, she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found “love" and she doesn’t need any pestering.

At a deeper level, all this is confusing as well for the cheating spouse. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. She actually needs some stability and someone who will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her. If you pester her and show your desperation, you are certainly not the person who can help her to solve this emotional infidelity issue.

She may also start comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you certainly don’t stand a very good chance of looking good.

The tactic that you should take to help you save the marriage is to back off. Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent - most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain!

If you have a good marriage before, remember that this “in love” state will fade. You need patience. She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself out and face the emptiness within. There will probably be doubts within her at sometime whether her present feelings will last. She knows she needs to live in the real world.

Here is where she can learn about true love. So, let her sort out her confusion. I know it is not easy for anyone but it is important that you back off to save your marriage. It is vitally important that you learn to be quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.

With Dr Bob Huizenga’s coaching, he teaches a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." You can use that skill. It won't be easy. It will take some effort and practice. Or read about it in "Break Free From The affair." It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better and that you gain more confidence in yourself so that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm.

This is your real opportunity to grow and it may be what she wants.

Backing off does not mean that you cut of contact with her. Make it quality time whenever you are with her. It will be time that shows off your good points and confronts her with the reality of her decisions and this is likely to work toward resolution for the marriage.

Break Free From The Affair